It's been a while since I've made an entry, and for me, that's a tough pill to swallow. I last wrote you at the beginning of February, so I'll update you on what's happened since then.
Sick. Sick. Sick. Hospital. Sick. Better, now sick again. All caught up? Perfect! If there's anything that absolutely no one talks about is that your baby could literally be sick every 2-4 weeks. I knew when I was pregnant, and expecting a baby, that eh - the baby is bound to get sick a few times. But THIS many times? Good lord, that I was not prepared for. At times these past two months were incredibly overwhelming, but I'll fill you in on the details.
February was pretty much a blur - work was crazy, mom-life was crazy, and I don't remember much of it. March, however, was eventful! I was finally able to truly apply my writing and creative skills at my job, and make an impact on the business as a whole. I got to meet with executives that I had never met with before, I got to have conference meetings, which I know may seem silly when you grow up - "Wow mom, you were excited about a conference meeting?" I don't know why, but I felt like a responsible adult okay! I know I'm about to be 27, but I felt more grown up for some reason. Like "look at me and my fancy meetings" - Sometimes you get small satisfaction out of tiny things. You'll understand that someday. But writing at my job, I never thought in a million years that it would happen or that I would be chosen/volunteered/nominated to be the one to take the lead on this project. And, I loved it! March was my month; Work was going great, you were sick a tiny bit, but you're sick all the time so it was nothing new, and your dad and I went to a fancy hotel for our anniversary and got to spend some time together - we literally slept, uninterrupted, and to be honest it was much needed. After 10 months of handling you, with barely any dates, or breaks, our batteries needed the recharge desperately. And, you'll be proud to know that I killed my project! (When you're old enough to read this, that means I did a really good job.) It felt nice to be recognized and felt good to get praise for my contribution to my company.
When you get older and start working, and take pride in what you do, or believe wholly in the company that you are taking a part in, you're going to experience a lot of challenges, and obstacles, but you'll also hear a lot of different forms of praises. You'll be able to tell the difference between the words, "Thank you, good job," in your daily or weekly accomplishments, and the words, "Thank you, good job," with some genuine truth behind the message. When people are truly impressed and actually, genuinely appreciative of the work you've done. This type of appreciation can really elevate a person and change their entire mood. A genuine sense of appreciation perpetuates with that individual; it creates a ripple effect of how we then treat others, and maybe make a difference to those closest to us. Maybe, we give off more genuine appreciation and thankfulness to our spouse, our parents, siblings, our children, ourselves. It's a constant circle of what I think society intended when it coined the word "community" - and do we embody it? What stops us from doing that? Let me tell you - LIFE. Good old life, which brings me to my next point: happiness is contagious.
In enjoying what you do, or doing what you love, your job or chores, and small nuances of life, no longer becomes "work." For me, doing this project, I often heard, "That's so exciting for you! I know you've always wanted to do something like that." or "You seem really happy." I noticed it in myself. I smiled more, I took more pride in what I wore, how I presented myself, and how I managed the things I was doing. Where had this been? When was the last time I felt this way? It's hard to say. Writing, for me, has always been my first love - apart from you, and your dad. It's what molded me to be the individual I am, and I feel like I'm good at it. Who knows - we'll see, maybe if I ever make it "big time." Yet, for the first time in a while, I thought, Yeah! I am happy! I've worked hard, and I feel like I've shown and discussed my skills in writing for a while now - maybe March is my month, and it all makes sense now! Things are starting to look up.
Just know, it may not work out right away, or the way you had played it out in your head. That's the "life" part I was talking about. Sometimes you may be faced with challenges and disappointments, and have to rewire those frustrations with your internal self. It's okay to go through it, but remember - Happiness is contagious. Work through what you have to work through, eventually though you have to get back to finding that energy and drive. While it's easy to preach, it's much more difficult to do. Just know that you still have power when you feel like you may not have it, and you still have a say in what makes you get up in the morning ready to take on the world. You are in charge of your life, what makes you happy, the people you surround yourself with, and all of that plays a large role in how you present yourself to the world. How do you want to be remembered by others? How do you want to project that happiness? Then, on the flip side, your internal monologue says, "I don't care what anyone thinks of me, and that's that." I get that - We've all been there with the little good vs. evil minions on our shoulders feeding us our feelings, and which side we listen to more of that day. I guess what I'm trying to say in all of this rambling (now that I'm looking back), you're not going to master your life in one day. Take each day as it comes, master that day, and each individual day after that - eventually you should get to where you want to be, and elevate the others around you that are feeding off (in a good way) the happiness you bring to the table.
Apart from my small frustrations, we have to find the little pieces of good within our day to day - and while there have been frustrations, and small disappointments, there are also still small good things coming that provide blissful moments of happiness.
We may finally be getting a library wall in my office! One thing I've wanted ever since we purchased our first house. As a writer, you generally want three things: Success (to make an impact with your writing), Time (to write more), and Books (to be surrounded by miraculous talent at all times, and maybe one day fill the shelves with your own books.)
Another point of happiness is that I get your first school pictures tomorrow! I know, you're not technically in school - you're barely 1 years old (which, I still don't know how that happened), BUT it's still your first cheesy school picture and I'm going to probably die with joy. My heart may explode when I see your adorable little smile, and I can't wait - I'm so excited.
Some other things that happened:
You met the Easter bunny - Didn't go well.
You ate your first lemon, and wiggled around from how sour it was - and I laughed hysterically because I'm partially a terrible parent haha.
You often wear pigtails now - and it's adorable.
You stood up for the first time, by yourself, in an ice cream parlor bathroom - butt naked as I was trying to change you (go figure).
You can now feed yourself - Thank god! So much easier for mama to get ready in the morning to go to work when it's just me and you.
You went to the zoo for the first time. In Arizona, it's hot - so you lasted about an hour before you were sweaty, and tired, and cranky. But, you saw a giraffe, some birdies, and you took home a small elephant.
You finally like someone else at daycare! For a while, I had been dropping you off, and you were screaming and crying, chasing (crawling) after to me to the door. It was quite the ordeal. Now? You actually want someone there to hold you! And it makes my heart happy to know that you don't hate being there almost every day.
You love going to the park, though I don't know how much you enjoy the grass - Not a fan just yet.
You love riding on your daddy's shoulders and he makes you laugh when you both run around the house, or outside like that.
For my last little story, it's brief, but the humor is needed. Last night I was putting you to sleep, and I came into the bedroom to hear the shower running, and the smell of peppermint - it was REALLY strong. I thought, hm, maybe your dad was using the oil for something or maybe it spilled? Your dad was literally in the shower, scrubbing his face, washing his entire beard and head and he says, "Lauren! It's so bad!"
What? What was bad? "What do you mean?" - He then proceeds to tell me that he had his glasses off, thought the peppermint oil was argan oil (used for hair, skin, and essentially moisturizing - your dad's beard, since he rides a motorcycle, can sometimes get a little red around his chin if he doesn't do that every so often.......so, he took the peppermint oil, and rubbed it in his beard, on his head, over his face, so much so that it was burning his eyes and he had to jump in the shower to wash it all off. It was the best thing ever, and we were laughing so hard. Now you know the extent of your dad's vision - he can't see anything. You're welcome.
Happiness is contagious. So is love, and life can be that way too. We love you. <3